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Teachings
and Writings of Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach
And
Esther Wrote
by Reb Shlomo Carlebach
One
of the saddest things in the world, in my world, that breaks
my heart, is that on the one hand I would like our daughters,
our mothers, to be so Jewish and so holy, so exalted, and
yet, when you meet those women who really are so holy and
so beautiful and you start talking with them, you realize
that they are so empty inside. Gevaldt are they empty. When
I walk into a place, the moment I start saying Divrei Torah
(words of Torah), naturally the women take off, because they
are not sitting together with the men. They are sitting separate.
The men are listening. The women are already talking, about
bagels, earrings. When it comes to singing, our holy sisters
don't join us. They sit there and talk to each other, It's
heartbreaking. You know what we need, absolutely need, we
need to cry and beg our holy, so to speak frum, mothers and
frum sisters, please, please don't put us to shame. Please
don't put us to shame before those holy young women who are
coming back to Yiddishkeit, who are so sensitive to what's
going on in life. I'll tell you something, something heartbreaking.
You know what happens to religious girls who go to college?
In every subject in the world they are very deep, You can
talk to them about anything in the world. Yet, When it comes
to Torah, they are so shallow. It's not fair. It isn't fair.
Our
generation has to fix two things. We have not fixed the relationship
between Adam and Eve, and we have not fixed the relationship
between Cain and Abel, between Jews and non-Jews. Basically,
the same people who don't know how to relate to women also
don't know how to relate to non-Jews.
There
was a time that men and women didn't live in the same world.
It's not true anymore. We are living in the same world, In
1959, when I came to Eretz Yisrael for the first time, I was
a bachelor, walking into a Beis Midrash in Meah Shearim, and
someone asked me if I was married. I said no. He said, "I
have a wonderful shidduch (match) for you. Come back next
Monday." I came back Monday, and he asked me, "Do
you speak Hungarian?" I said, "No." He said,
"The girl I want you to marry only speaks Hungarian."
I said, "O.K., no more shidduch." He looked at me
and said, "Why? What do you have to talk to her about?
Unbelievable.
Maybe
there was a time when a man sat at the table alone, and his
wife sat in the kitchen, Friday night and this was holy. Today,
if a person doesn't sit with his wife and children, with his
daughters, at the table, it's a criminal offense. This girl
who eats in the kitchen, the moment she is old enough to get
out from her father's stupidity, might very well leave Yiddishkeit.
The
deepest secret of life is that everything is the same, and
yet, every thing has to become better. I keep everything my
bubba did, and yet I am one step ahead. One step ahead. Reb
Nachman said that G-d cannot stand the same thing twice. People
can't either.
Yentas,
we have plenty of. The women who stand all day in the kitchen,
we have had this for a few generations. The Ribbono Shel Olam
(G-d) needs now strong women who stand an their feet, and
learn. Who know what Yiddishkeit is all about. Who can give
it over to their children. The most heartbreaking thing in
the world is that the Rabbis, who think they have to guard
the old tradition, actually refuse to realize that you only
guard the old tradition if you are aware of what's going on
today - if you add. The new doesn't have to conflict with
old; it can enrich it.
What
about giving aliyot (being called to the Torah) to women?
I'll tell you an unbelievable story. I gave a concert in Paris.
After the concert, a beautiful young lady came up to me and
said, "I want to tell you my story, I come from a Chassidic
home in Boston. I like to paint, to draw. I managed to get
to college, despite my father, and I got a scholarship to
Paris. I left and didn't write to my parents. I had no money,
so when a non-Jew asked me to move into his house I did. I
lived with him for four years, and he asked me to marry him.
This non-Jew asked my to marry him, and I was overjoyed. Sunday
morning, I was supposed to be baptized, and Sunday night,
the wedding. For me, Shabbos didn't exist anymore, so the
Shabbos before, I went shopping. Crazily enough, I passed
by the Reform Synagogue, the same Reform Synagogue that, three
years ago, was bombed by the P.L.O. I passed by that synagogue
and, I don't know why, I walked in. They were just reading
the Torah. Suddenly, the shammos (beadle) came to me and offered
me an aliyah. I want you to know, I was religious when I was
young. Nobody ever gave me an aliyah. When they called up
my name to the Torah, it was clear to me that G-d was calling
me. When I made the bracha (blessing) over the Torah, I swore
to G-d that I'll be a Jewish daughter again. I came out from
shul, I called up my boyfriend, and I told him that I was
just in shul, and I heard a voice from heaven tell me that
I shouldn't do it. And I didn't."
It's
all very beautiful to say that we should not give women aliyot.
The Satmar Rebbitzen doesn't need an aliyah. But, there are
a lot of holy women today who need an aliyah.
I
want to tell you one more story. I was on a plane from London
to Tel Aviv. I saw a Rosh Yeshiva of one of the biggest yeshivat,
and next to him was a very beautiful non-religious girl, and
next to her was her mother. The Rosh Yeshiva was talking to
her. I said, "Rebbe, I want to talk to you straight.
Tell me the sad truth, If you would sit next to a girl who
was educated by you, would you have something to talk to her
about? Why do you talk to that girl? Sadly enough, the sad
truth is, because she is not a religious girl." Isn't
that heartbreaking? Does a girl have to be non- religious
in order for you to be able to talk to her? Don't you want
your daughter to be a little bit like her?
I
was sitting on a train, going from Tel-Aviv to Haifa, and
there were a hundred little kids from a religious school on
the train. The kids knew me and said, "Hey, sing something
for us." Little kids, they are so sweet, their eyes were
shining, they were glowing. I took out my guitar and started
singing, one niggun after another. I asked them, "Where
is your teacher?" She was sitting there by the window
looking out. I walked up to her and said, "I envy you,
to have such children to teach." She wouldn't look at
me, wouldn't talk to me. I thought, this is crazy. Is this
called frum? Those kids were so happy, and she would not be
a part of it.
Two
weeks ago, I was someplace where there were only religious
people. I was singing and then I told two stories. Three religious
women came up and said to me, "Why do you talk so much?
Why don't you just sing?" They didn't understand a word
I was saying. The stories didn't touch them.
All
the redeemers of Israel were men, with the exception of Purim,
where we have a man and a woman. Obviously, Esther must have
had some class. She was educated by Mordechai. To be queen
of the world, of 127 medinot (lands). She had to have some
class.
The
Midrash says that Rabbi Akiva was saying Torah on every letter,
on every tag (crown) of the Torah. Some of his students said,
"Why must you bother with all that? The letters, the
tagin, what do we need it for?" Rabbi Akiva was master
of the Torah She-Beal-Peh (the oral Torah). There are Torahs
that you need in life so much. What is the Tree of Knowledge?
The Tree of Knowledge is where I know what to do about everything,
but there is some kind of inner knowledge that is beyond words,
deeper than words. This is what kingdom is all about. A king
has some inside stuff, deep, deep stuff. Everybody knows that
Sarah is even deeper than Avraham. G-d told Avraham, "Listen
to whatever Sarah tells you." * Footnote: Midrash Rabah
58.3 - Rabbi Akiva was sitting and teaching and his students
were dozing. He wanted to rouse them. He said "Why was
Esther queen of 127 lands? Since Esther was descended from
Sarah who lived one hundred twenty-seven years, she (Esther)
ruled over 127 lands.
Why
then is the prophecy of Sarah not written in the Torah? We
get just a little glimpse of her prophecy, that she said to
send Yishmael out. Her prophecy wasn't written down. The prophecy
of Avraham was in words. The prophecy of Sarah was in letters,
the Torah of Rabbi Akiva, the Torah She-Beal-Peh.
What
are the letters all about? When I get a business letter, the
words are important, the letters aren't. When I get a love
letter, everything is important. I look at every letter a
thousand times.
Maybe
our fathers teach us the Torah. But, to love the Torah so
much, that every letter is read a thousand times, this comes
from our mothers. So, Rabbi Akiva said, "Do you know
why Esther was the queen of one hundred twenty-seven lands?"
She must have known something. What did she know? She knew
the Torah of our mother, Sarah. Rashi says that tzaddikim
are "tamim", complete. We live in the world and
we don't know if we did what we have to do. The tzaddikim
live exactly to finish the product. When they leave this world,
they are a finished product, Avraham was in the world exactly
to finish Avraham. And, it says that it took exactly one hundred
twenty-seven years to finish Sarah. (Sarah lived 127 years.)
And her Torah she gave over to Esther.
Everybody
knows, the megillah is based on letters. G-d's name is not
mentioned there on the level of words. His name is mentioned
only in Rashei Teivot (abbreviations). One word begins with
"yod", one with "heh", and so on. Megillat
Esther is based on letters. The Torah She-Beal-Peh is letters.
Why is it letters? One sits and looks at the letters, until
the letters begin to reveal the deepest secrets.
Rabbi
Akiva was sitting and saying Torah on the letters and even
on the tagin, His students said to him, "Who needs this?
You can be a Jew without it." He answered, "Yes,
You can be a Jew without it, but you cannot be Esther HaMalka
(the queen) without it. You cannot give over G-d to the world
without it." On Purim we are told that many people became
Jews. Mordechai and Esther took over the world. The world
knew then that Jews are holy, that G-d is holy.
And,
the way we teach the world is not with words. It has to be
deeper than that. Non-Jews also have the written Torah, but
they are still non- Jews. Torah She-Beal-Peh is the deepest
knowledge of G-d. It is the knowledge of every letter, of
every word.
The
utmost redemption of the world can only be Adam and Eve together.
Our downfall was that Adam and Eve split. The real redemption
of Purim is that Mordechai and Esther were doing something
together.
I
want to tell you something so heartbreaking Today, in our
religious circles, the husband goes to shul, the wife stays
home. He does this, she does something else. It may be beautiful,
but it is not Purim, it is not the redemption of the world.
It is not what brings Moshiach. Today, thank G-d, in the non-religious
world, women get stronger and stronger. We have to get behind
the wheel and step on the gas a little bit. We have already
lost 80% of our daughters. We shall lose, G-d forbid, 100%,
if we don't do something about it. Yes, we'll always have
some frum girls, but they will be like the woman in Toronto
who told me that unless you talk about something like kashrut,
my learning won't be popular.
You
know what is so special about Purim? On Purim we don't have
time to learn. We send shalach manos, we get drunk. The revelation
that G-d reveals to us on Purim is so deep. Someone wrote
a sheilah (question) to the holy Ostrovitzer. He said that
he got shalach manos from a person who was not so religious,
and he asked if he was permitted to eat it. The Rebbe answered
something very beautiful. What is the whole idea of shalach
manos, he asked? The whole story of Esther began because the
Jews ate at the feast of Achashverosh. Every Jew accused every
other Jew of eating treif. So, Esther said to Mordechai, "Go
and gather all the Jews." Forget what we ate yesterday.
From now on, all the Jews will be together. The idea of Purim
is that from now on, every Jew says to every other Jew, "I
trust you that you are kosher. I trust you." By that
we bring Moshiach.
Woe
unto those who don't eat shalach manos because they don't
think they are kosher. On Purim, the most important thing
is for Jews to be together, The Megillah says, "And Esther
wrote." Today, if a woman wrote a book, and a rabbi would
say that book should become part of the Torah, all the rabbis
would write teshuvot (response) against it. Yet, Esther was
the editor, the author of the Megillah. Today, a woman cannot
even decide if a bakery is kosher. This is what keeps Moshiach
from coming.
A
lady once told me, "I stopped going to shul. The women
asked the rabbi if they could hold the Torah, and he said
no. I watched the men. They were talking, sleeping - there
was no kavannah (meaning). If we women would have held the
Torah, it would have been so holy, so exalted. Who is the
rabbi, to keep us from serving G-d?"
We
are so concerned with the words. Where is Rabbi Akiva's Torah,
the Torah of Esther, the queen of the world?
We
are living in a world where 65% of our young people intermarry.
When I was in San Francisco, in 1959, 1 felt right now was
the time to create a different kind of yeshiva, to get our
kids back. I had two responses. One great rabbi told me to
forget it. The other said I was being stupid, a comedian.
What was I talking about? That man is now the head of a well-known
yeshiva for Baalei Teshuva.
We
need Chanukkah and Purim together, We need to add. We must
stop being afraid of adding. What is so terrible if our sisters
want to add Torah? Torah She-Beal-Peh is the Torah of your
mother." Adding is not changing. We need Chanukkah, and
we need Purim also. We need "And Esther wrote."
Give Esther a chance.
In
my shul, we have four Sifrei Torah. On Simchat Torah, we give
one to the women. One year, a man said to me, "What's
going on here? This apikorsut (heresy), to allow women to
carry a Torah." I said to him, "If our women are
good enough to carry our children for nine months, they are
good enough to carry a Safer Torah for a few minutes.
When
you love somebody very much, you think about them even when
they are not there. This is shalach manos; it is telling somebody
that you are sending them your love, your thoughts, even when
they are not there.
The
Gemara says, "Esther is Hester Panim" (the hiding
of the Presence of G-d. G-d's -name is not mentioned in the
Megillah). Purim is when we don't see G-d. Do we know how
much G-d thinks of us, especially when He is not looking?
Do you know why G-d is not mentioned in the Megillah? The
Megillah teaches us how much G-d loves us, even when He is
not when He is not showing it at that moment, when He seems
to be hiding. When you love a person, the real test of the
love is how much do you think about them when you don't see
them. The test of a Jew in exile is how much G-d thinks about
us, and we think about Him, even when we are not close.
Why
is the Torah of Purim even deeper that the Torah of Mount
Sinai? The Torah of Mount Sinai is Face to Face. G-d talks
to us. He looks at us. Deeper than this is the Torah of Purim.
It gives us a taste of how much G- d is thinking about us,
even when we don't directly feel it. The Torah of Face to
Face can be given over by a rebbe. The Torah of Purim can
only be truly taught by men and women together.
At
the beginning of a wedding, the groom covers his bride's face.
All day long they are on the level of Yom Kippur. When he
covers her face, they reach the level of Purim. The groom
is saying to the bride, I am giving over to you all of my
love, even when I don't see you.
Do
you know why children keep their eyes closed when they are
born? They want to taste how much their parents love them
when they don't see them.
I
want to tell everyone please, send shalach manos to your wives,
to your husbands, to your children. Sometimes we forget to
send shalach manos to the people closest to us.
I
want to tell you one more thing. I would like to see, in the
religious world, a man saying Torah at the table, and a woman
saying Torah. I would like to see, "And Esther wrote"
- a woman's Torah. I would like to see a man and a woman,
both saying Torah, Friday night at the table.
There
are two holidays where basically everyone can do their own
thing. On Chanukkah, there are many different customs about
lighting candles. The Sephardim have different customs than
the Ashkenazim. This is considered beautiful. On Purim, there
are different days possible for Megillah reading - the 12th,
the 13th, 14th, days of Adar, or the 15th, Sushan Purim, depending
on where a person lives.
Do
you know the difference between a restaurant and a hospital?
In a restaurant, there is one menu, and everybody eats the
same food. In a hospital, everybody gets different medicine
made especially for them. Torah is the same. The Torah She-bechtav
(written Torah) is the same for everyone. The Torah She-Beal-Peh
has to be different for every person. We are living in a sick
world. The Gemara says that, on Yom Kippur, if a doctor says
you are well, and you say you are sick, you are permitted
to eat. Everybody knows themselves best.
The
Torah of Hester Panim (the hiding of G-d's face) is when,
G-d forbid, things are hidden. Give Jews a chance to have
their own connections with the Torah. In most shuls, women
cannot kiss the Torah. I know that in those shuls that do
allow women to kiss the Torah, for some women, their whole
Yiddishkeit began when they first kissed the Torah. It's so
important.
The
story of Esther teaches that sometimes there is a kind of
Torah in which G-d's name is not even mentioned, it's hidden,
but it's there. Everybody has his own connection to Yiddishkeit.
I'm afraid to tell anybody else, this is my connection, this
is what I like the most. That is why I send shalach manos;
I do not deliver it face to face. I say, I want you to know,
whatever your connection to Yiddishkeit is, you don't have
to tell me, but I want you to know that I am connected to
the same thing. We are all connected to the same place.
At
the House of Love and Prayer, in California, as a rule I did
not give aliyot to women, But, when girls asked for an aliyah,
I give it to them. I saved many girls from the abyss of assimilation
because I was strong enough to give them aliyot.
Purim
is when we realize that Torah is not only food. Torah is medicine.
On Purim I am getting drunk with the Torah, The difference
between food and wine is very simple. When you eat food, you
don't have to be happy. But, when you drink wine, you glow
with it. On Purim you glow.
All
year long, I learn Torah. It gives me life; like food, it
keeps me going. On Purim, I want different Torah. I want Torah
that touches every secret in my heart. I want Torah that connects
me to every Jew. I want Torah that strengthens my friendships,
my relationships with every Jew. "Go and gather together
all the Jews." That is the essence of Purim.
My
dearest friends, I hope you understood what I said to you.
In order to keep Yiddishkeit alive, we desperately need synagogues
that do not give aliyot to women and we also desperately need
synagogues that do give aliyot to women.
Everybody
knows that the downfall of the world is Loshon Hora, The Gemara
says Hamen is the master of Loshon Hora. Mordechai and Esther
are masters of -non-Loshon Hora. On Purim, we do not send
shalach manos face to face; we are telling each other "even
behind your back, I shall not speak evil about you."
G-d
is opening so many gates. When will we have enough courage
to help each other find the right gates? Gevaldt, brothers,
and sisters, we need so much for ourselves, but we need so
much more for our beautiful children. On Purim, it says, whoever
holds out his hand, should receive something. So, this Purim,
let it be that all that we need is given to us, and let a
great miracle happen to us - that as G-d sees us holding out
our hands and begging, so should we see G-d's hand to give
to him who he needs. For us, for Israel, and for the world,
Good Purim everyone! Good Purim!
Copyright
© by the Shlomo Carlebach Foundation
Teachings
and Writings of Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach
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